Category Archives: (A)Musings

…used to dream about having a fantastic family.

…danced with my sister all summer long.

…built dams in the creek and loved making friends with the salamanders.

…traveled to India.

…was able to understand my own existence and feel how lucky I was to be.

…kissed slugs and loved frogs.

…choked a girl with shoelaces.

…was too free.

…lived in fear of upsetting Sister Mary Elizabeth.

…fell out of a second story window and survived!

…dreamed of being Barbie, so I became a model… and failed.

…would not rest my eyes or go to bed at night without fully believing that the stages, lights, costumes, songs, concepts I dreamed of would one day turn into a very bright, joyful and prosperous reality.

…sat in the basement with my sister in the dark pretending to be on a flight to Tahiti.

…wanted to be an Olympic gymnast.

…made funny faces all day long.

…had such high hopes.

…could fly.

…was painfully shy.

…knew everything.

…ate vegemite all day long like it was going out of fashion.

…ate mudpies.

…believed in dragons. I’m still looking.

…had a pet duck named Wilbur.

…wanted to be an octopus.

…fell in love with a boy named Daniel.

…dreamed of having a family.

…knew I was destined for greatness.

…was too precocious for words. I’d slap my little self right now, if I could.

…was much too sensitive.

…had actual, meaningful conversations with tress and flowers and animals and birds.

…could think of nothing more fun than spending all day in bed, reading. I am now very fat and very smart.

…made things with my hands. Moved all day long, constantly on one adventure or another. I was happy. I was a really happy boy.

…never left my mother’s lap.

…found everything mysterious. Felt like an alien on the wrong planet. Not in a bad way… it’s just all still so weird to me. This world.

Thanks to all those who wander through and stop to share themselves with us.

…seen a star fall without making a wish.

…met my wife.

…stopped thanking God for saving my son.

Patron 1 …been to Europe.

Patron 2…No need to go. Obama is turning the U.S.A. into it.

Patron 3…We should be so lucky!

…been taken seriously.

…seen an aura.

…run a full marathon. This won’t be true tomorrow!

…not doubted myself.

…been with a man who deserves me.

…doubted myself.

…been to Barcelona.

…flown a plane.

…danced in public.

…been without hope.

…saved a life.

…had a daughter.

…been a mom.

…loved someone as much as I love Greg.

…had sex.

…admitted to anyone or even myself the exact nature of my defects.

…loved without losing something.

…eaten a PB & J sandwich.

…stopped believing in the goodness in people.

…loved a person as much as I love Helena.

…been published.

…asked the right questions.

…thought with my head.

…counted myself among the lucky.

…loved anyone as much as I love myself.

…cut myself on purpose.

…been able to look away from open windows when passing by other people’s homes.

…done anything I’m proud of.

…cared enough about anything to worry about losing it.

…been as filled with joy as I am today!

…considered other people’s feelings.

…walked out of the house naked. There is always tomorrow.

Thanks to all those who wander through and stop to share themselves with us.

Photo: Beijing Modern Dance Company

…my mind is the most powerful place on earth. Beautiful and dangerous.

…today is Tuesday.

…love is enough. Any amount of love is enough.

…I’m the best dancer in this room. 12/28/12, 1:22pm

…I am loved.

…I will still feel like this tomorrow.

…you will be rich and you will be poor. You will like rich better.

…I will be famous.

…life may not be as great as  they say, but it isn’t bad.

…love is the meaning of life.

…I will meet the love of my life. I will!

…just for today, I will not be angry, I will not worry, I will be grateful, I will do my work honestly, I will be kind to every living thing.

…I will change my mind tomorrow.

…my children will die.

…what we are to be we are now becoming.

…I can fly!

…I have the most beautiful dog in the world.

…I will survive this.

…I will have to file my taxes this year.

…my break-up with the girl who I thought was the love of my life was a good thing.

…love is easier to find if you create it yourself.

…we live in the matrix.

…I will have an easy labor and delivery and a totally healthy baby boy, who will sleep A LOT right from the start!

…in the end, we thrash around to say we tried, not to affect the outcome.

…thanking people, especially the ones closest to us, whose kindness we feel entitled to, is one of the most important things we can do.

…I have something new to say. I just don’ t know what it is yet.

 

Thanks to all those who wander through and stop to share themselves with us.

Last week I ate Indian food for the first time after a lifetime of “hating” it without even having tried it. I LOVED it.

I went to “Air Combat Pilot For a Day” training. What an awesome experience!

Yesterday I saw a full rainbow in Studio City for the first time. It made me so happy.

Last week, I planted legume seeds inside a heart-shaped area with friends.

Yesterday, for the first time, I drove the PCH North of Malibu, all the way to Ventura. It was so beautiful that it fed my spirit.

Last week I decided to start greeting every single person I cross paths with. I think I’ve popped a lot of thought bubbles… but it’s also resulted in a lot of smiles.

Last week I went zip-lining. Do it!

I went to see a live band play, all by myself.

Last night, I posted my profile on an internet dating site. Yikes!

On September 9th, I traveled alone to China. A trip that consisted of many firsts. I love you, Shanghai!

I went to a movie by myself, then had a meal at a restaurant… by myself. For the first time ever!

This morning I sewed my daughter a blouse. I’m overly, ecstatically proud of myself.

I meditated. I really really meditated!

I approached a man for the first time in my life. For the first time ever, I didn’t wait to be approached. And he said yes!

Oh, God. I started a book. I wrote the first sentence today and burst into tears. I can’t wait to put down the second sentence.

…I sat down and wrote my mother a thank you note when she died.

…I keep my composure in times of great strife.

…Spayed/neutered cats in our neighborhood for families that couldn’t afford to.

…I would like to remind everyone that you are all elegant and beautiful. And people love you, even if you don’t know or believe it. This is the most elegant thing I will ever do.

…I bought a photo book called “Kisses” and replaced all the photos and poems with personal ones from my lover’s and my escapades. It was my gift to her.

…I sang a song in front of a crowd for my fiancee-to-be. Her ring in a box around my neck.

…The most elegant thing I’ve ever done or will ever do is give birth to my beautiful little girl.

…I walked around with pearl earrings at the age of three.

…I helped my mother die well.

…I made a beautiful six-course, candlelit dinner for my husband’s boss. At the last minute, before the main course, our German Shephed lept onto the kitchen counter and devoured the standing rib roast.

…Sometimes my husband and I dress up as if we’re going to the Oscars, and have dinner together at home.

…When I clean the house I dance instead of walking. And I pretend I’m being filmed.

…Sometimes, when I’m alone, I pretend I’m a 100 years old… and beautiful. And I feel elegant.

…I make up the most elaborate, fantastical lies about my life to people I meet for the first time. And if I continue knowing these people I have to be able to keep my various stories straight. I’ve not been caught yet. There is an elegance in that, I think, regardless of why I do it.

…I read in the park.